Peter came along with low self-esteem, awkward with women, abused physically and emotionally by his father, forced into an endless pursuit of perfection by his mother, probably abused by priests based on his apprehension and awkwardness with sex and women in general. Growing up in a loose environment and being experienced sexually made me a bad fit for Peter. I am far from perfect. I went along with being molded into a Stepford Wife for almost two decades. Never being me and lost in a world that I didn’t belong. Suppressed, oppressed, not allowed to be me whoever that was. I didn’t know who I was because I never grew up. From the time I was abused until I was twenty years old I blacked out my childhood sexual abuse and was in an intense-stress state of mind. I was a loner with very few friends. I was anti-social and withdrawn which led to being bullied at school. I started to come out of the funk when I was fourteen in high school. Right at that bewitching age where mother’s and daughter’s didn’t get along and girls start asserting their independence. Only my mother squashed that and I couldn’t date or go out with friends when she was out (which was every weekend). I got my period at fourteen, grew boobs, had major stomach issues misdiagnosed as nerves, started drinking and smoking pot (almost fifteen), and basically got caught up in the times. Soon after I got involved in the theater group, had lots of friends and forced myself to become more social. Prior to that point I had lost six years of my childhood. Flatlined. I knew I had a problem the summer before high school when I was mocked by family for getting absorbed in the world of Barbie. I created a large home and yard with every Barbie doll I had, it was pretty cool I thought. Until I was told I was too old to be playing with dolls. Ironically, as Barbie was notorious for sending the wrong message about gender identification affecting a girls independence, Barbie was responsible for making me feel that doing what’s good for me is wrong if inappropriate by society’s rules. It’s interesting now because I realize that I kept a lot of secrets because society’s rules were often not appropriate for me. I simply pretended, like acting in theater or on TV.