Life is difficult. Is it really possible that my mother ingrained in me not to speak up because I was such a pain in the ass on the spectrum, she didn’t know how to handle me so as an obedient child she kept me quiet? Or was I on the spectrum and never able to speak up? Or scared out of my mind because of my father’s threat of corporal punishment? Or because I take everything literally and when my oldest brother told me not to tell anyone about him playing doctor I took it not to talk about anything bad. The world is full of bad people and simply put, when your parents are less than perfect we tend to attract other people like mom and dad. I married both – my narcissistic mother and violent when drunk father.