Later in life I became fully aware of what my father meant about the forces against him. I read my mother’s divorce agreement when I was 9 and again after my mother died. According to her words he was the worst person in the world. He forced himself on her when he was drunk (rape) and was physically abusive. I strongly pondered the fact that I was born from these conditions and my mother resented me. It made a lot of sense since I what she said didn’t jive with her actions. As adults my siblings and I would joke that Gary was the Hippie, Craig was adopted, Karen was normal, and I was the mistake. I learned after fifty that it wasn’t a joke.