Most people remember bits and pieces of their childhood but never really dig deep. Like hypnosis deep. I’ve been digging for decades and still uncover major details. One thing leads to another like unearthing a sappy mystery. It started a few years ago when I was thought I might have been a result of rape. Crazy, right? I knew my mother must have had a reason to hate me and I didn’t feel the love. My wheels were spinning for years until one day last week I was researching abuse and noticed ‘narcissist’ kept coming up in the results. Naturally I went down that road and what I found was the epiphany of epiphanies. The jackpot or more accurately the hat trick. So many bells were ringing in my head it made my tinnitus silent. Article after article spoke of traits that my mother demonstrated. Leaving me alone, always saying no, told me I was a dreamer (which is what she called my father, who she hated), negative, neglectful, wonderful to others, favored my sister, and the biggie… did not protect me from abuse she knew of with my sister. The last item was something I was stuck on for over a decade. It hurt bad when I found out and I didn’t forgive her before she died or today. Seeing things she did on list after list of classic traits of a narcissistic mother. The kicker was realizing she set me up for becoming the narcissist magnet in every relationship of my life thereafter.
After connecting many painful memories of my mother I was able to see a domino affect rippling throughout my life. “Get over it,” many would say which happens to be a common phrase of narcissists.